This is an actual job application someone submitted at a Mcdonald`s fast-food establishment And They Hired Him!
Name: Greg Bulmash
Desired Position: Reclining. Ha! But seriously, whatever`s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn`t be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185, 000 A year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that`s not possible make an offer and we can haggle.
Education: Yes.
Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I`m worth.
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason For Leaving: It sucked.
Hours Available To Work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1: 30-3: 30 P. M. , Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do You Have Any Special Skills? : Yes, but they`re better suited to a more intimate environment.
May We Contact Your Current Employer? : If I had one, would I be here?
Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50 Lbs? : Of what?
Do You Have A Car? : I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs? "
Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition? : I may already be a winner of the publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
Do You Smoke? : Only when set on fire.
What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years? : Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I`m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I`d like to be doing that now.
Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge? : No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
Sign Here: Scorpio with Libra rising.
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