Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases,
poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped
and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion
fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by
second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who
kidnapped
her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography
web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you
honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send
"his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I`ll get laid
by
every Victoria`s Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So
basically, this message is a big Fuck You to all the people out there who
have
nothing better to do than to send me stupid forwards. Maybe the evil
chainletter leprechauns will come into my dorm room and sodomize me in my
sleep
for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A. D. And was
brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes
it
to the year 2000, it`ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest
continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you`re going to forward something, at least send something mildly
amusing.
I`ve seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor,
wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some
omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. Show a little intelligence and
think about what you`re actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
Chances are it`s your own unpopularity.
Thank you, and feel free to delete this email without sending it on to
others
(unless they have it coming).
Al Merkin
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